Have you ever questioned the code of conduct you should follow in your relationship with your significant other? Many of us consult outdated standards and practices to guide us through relationships, unaware of the fact that many of the rules don’t even apply or are actually sabotaging the relationship more than saving it. Find out if you are damaging your relationship and how you can fix it…
1. ”You should never go to bed mad”
When you’re angry, the last thing you want to do is exhaust yourself debating a problem that obviously has no resolution in sight. When emotions run high, you start to focus on proving your point and having the last say and the argument becomes more about building your ego and less about squashing the initial dispute. Trying to compromise can even hurt more than it helps when you’re not thinking clearly. Sometimes the best thing you can do for your sanity is shut it down and get some shut eye.
2. ”There’s no point if there’s no PDA”
“Just because someone doesn’t love you the way you want them to, doesn’t mean they don’t love you with all that they have.” Sound familiar? Don’t let your favorite celebrity’s TwitPic or predictable plots in romantic comedies convince you that love is all about flowers delivered to your job, “You complete me” apologies or passionate embraces in the rain. Affection and emotions can be conveyed in a variety of creative ways that don’t involve gifts or exaggerated declarations of commitment. While these things are special, it’s important to focus on all of the great qualities your partner possesses and the bond you share, especially if they’re a little romantically challenged.
3. ”We need to call/text (fill in the blank) many times a day”
In some relationships a daily phone call summarizing the days’ events is all that’s needed. Other couples text each other about every single high or low of the day. A romantic relationship shouldn’t resemble a parental relationship where you have to call and check in throughout the day. A few less phone calls doesn’t mean you don’t care, it just means you have a life.
4. ”Having to commemorate every moment with an anniversary”
Maybe I don’t fit the typical stereotype, but I’m a woman who’d probably forget my own birthday if it didn’t fall on the 1st of the month. You may not remember the first time you uttered, “I love you,” but does that make the feeling any less real? Wedding anniversaries are still important to recognize, but celebrating every detail of your relationship with elaborate gifts is unnecessary and expensive. An affectionate kiss of appreciation should suffice in a time when it’s a struggle for so many to maintain a loving relationship.
5. ”There are two types of sex: slow and sensual or rough and rugged & they all end with an intense orgasm”
Just because the neighbors don’t know his name, doesn’t mean your man isn’t handling his business. Like romance, sex is another thing that TV or radio shouldn’t set the standards for. When it comes to sex and romance in the media: Objects on the screen are sometimes less glamorous than they appear. The best sex is the sex that you and your partner have consented to and communicated about regarding protection, values and lastly the type of sex you want to have. Orgasms don’t necessarily make or break a satisfying sexual experience and sometimes by concentrating so heavily on sealing the deal with the almighty “O”, you can actually distract yourself from all the other great sensations your body may feel. While orgasms are what most of us aim for, there are other ways to enjoy the climb even if you don’t reach the peak of the mountain.
6. ”You can’t date someone your friend has expressed interest in”
In my post, “Girl Code! 10 Friendship Commandments Every Girl Know” I mentioned the importance of not dating your friend’s ex’s and avoiding men that she’s already expressed interest in, but just what if the stud she’s set her sites on isn’t a love match and he ends up being your better half? You can’t always control who you hit it off with, but what you can do is be honest with your bestie before pursuing anything. True friends don’t stand in the way of true love. Don’t dismiss your fate over something that wasn’t meant to be for your friend.
7. ”We should tell each other EVERYTHING”
The start of a new relationship shouldn’t have to come with a criminal background check and breakdown of life before your newfound love. Nor does your partner need to know about every cat call or whistle you encounter each day. If there is significant trust and respect in the relationship, then some things are actually better off left unsaid. Think about the things that could potentially harm your partner if you withheld them, then consider if you’re the only one who will gain some clarity out of clearing your conscience.
8. ”The best couples have EVERYTHING in common”
You met through working for the same company, you both love Japanese food, both attended HBCU’s and don’t eat red meat. It’s a match made in heaven, right? Maybe not. While it is important for couples to share common interests, having everything in common a dull relationship does make. Opposites do attract and differences can actually help challenge people in a relationship to better people. Embrace your differences, because truthfully those couples that finish one another’s sentences are so annoying.
9. ”My partner should be my best friend”
If by “best friend” this means the person I share clothes with, gossip and disclose ALL of my secrets to, I’ll pass. This rule implies that all partners in relationships should aim for a certain level of intimacy and comfort in a relationship comparable to that which you have with your best friend. Personally, I like my romantic relationship a little uncomfortable. There’s something about a little mystery that helps maintain passion. Intimacy, honesty and comfort are all great qualities of any close relationship, but I’ll leave the conversations about menstrual cramps and the hotness that is Pooch Hall to be had with the bestie.
10. ”If you truly love someone, you accept them, flaws and all”
This rule continues to hold true, but there are some exceptions. What happen all too often is that two people meet and display an interest in one another after putting their best face forward. For example, ladies can often be the best version of themselves at the beginning making sure their hair stays curled and keeping their nail technician on stand-by. Once they begin to feel comfortable in a relationship and trust that their partner is there to stay, some laziness can settle in and they may feel like they don’t have to put in half as much effort because real love isn’t about appearances. Can you say “false advertisement”? While your partner’s eyes shouldn’t be wandering the first time you’re lace front free, it’s not fair to your partner if you give up as soon as you feel the deal is sealed. You don’t have to roll over looking like Tyra Banks every day, but you should make the effort to give your partner precisely what they signed up for.
via Madame Noire
