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According to Houston chef Lyndell Locke, he dated Beyonce for nine years, and she was a good girl from a Christian home who didn’t believe in sex before marriage. As Beyonce’s career began taking off, Lyndell felt as though he couldn’t hold out anymore and he cheated on Bey, which caused her to eventually dump him. That, and she met another guy who goes by the name of Shawn Carter Now, over 12 years or so later, Lyndell is reminiscing on his former relationship with Bey, while saying, “Beyonce was the most beautiful girl I’d ever seen. . . and she’d still be mine if I’d not cheated on her.”

Catch a few highlights from his interview below:

On the relationship:

Beyonce was the love of my life and I was hers, so losing her is still my biggest regret. She would say to me all the time, ‘I’m afraid to ever live my life without you Lyndall, I want you to be mine for ever’.

I’ll be honest — it was me that messed everything up and lost her for ever to Jay Z, but I deserved it.

Who cheats on a woman as beautiful as Beyonce? Well, I am that man and it’s something that’ll always haunt me.

On meeting Beyonce through Kelly Rowland during a church youth group session when he was 13, and she was 11:

From the first time I saw Beyonce I couldn’t take my eyes off of her. She looked like an angel, the most beautiful girl I’d ever seen. We’d hang out after school and almost every night we’d fall asleep talking to each other on the phone.

On not knowing Beyonce could sing

She was just so shy, she was a bit of an outcast at school and didn’t even sing in the choir. For two years I didn’t know she could sing. We spent hours watching movies together and playing Connect 4.

Some of our most fun times was when I watched Beyonce, her sister Solange and Kelly performing dance routines. So while I had no idea how good her voice was back then, I certainly knew she could move.

On their first kiss

It was just after Beyonce’s 15th birthday. I surprised her with Brian McKnight concert tickets and it happened that night. I had got popcorn and as we were sitting in our seats I dropped it. As we both went down to grab it we bumped heads, and locked into our first kiss.

We both just looked at each other realizing there was this incredible spark of fireworks between us. It was that fairytale kiss you only hear about in the movies. That was the first feeling of true love between me and Beyonce. Still, to this day, I’ve never had another kiss as passionate as that one.

Lyndell went on to date Beyonce for nine years, and the two had talked about one day having a beach wedding, but then her career as part of the group Destiny’s Child started taking off. Sex was also off-limits and Lyndell couldn’t wait it out.

The bigger star she became, the more I didn’t think I was good enough. One night, when she was out of town, I went to a bar with friends and ended up sleeping with another woman. Over the course of a few years I cheated on her about five times, but I never told her until after we broke up.

She was such a great girl who cared about me deeply, she even wrote her hit Dangerously in Love while we were together. That’s how in love we were back then. Initially my intention was to take a break from our relationship so I could go to culinary school and make a name for myself. But when I headed to Austin to do the course she quickly moved on with her own life.

Beyonce has gone on record saying that she started dating Jay Z when she was 19 years old, which means he came in the picture right around the time that she was about to give Lyndell the boot. Lyndell says:

Once she began dating Jay Z, I knew we were doomed and I could never win her back. But I know that no matter what, she will always love me. I will always wonder ‘What if?’ and, given all we shared, I’m sure a part of her must feel the same way.

Beyonce is probably somewhere in Brazil blasting “Best Thing I Never Had”‘ right about now. It sounds as though the lyrics, “So sad, you’re hurt, Boohoo, oh, did you expect me to care?” and “I thank God I dodged a bullet, I’m so over you, So, baby, good lookin’ out” were written specifically with Lyndell in mind. Ouch!