“Who is the real Beyonce?” From the outside looking in, she has every thing a 31-year-old could want. An amazing career, a husband, a daughter, a close-knit family, great friends…her world seems perfect. But Beyonce’s world isn’t perfect. In the last three years alone, she’s suffered a miscarriage, her dad fathered a child out of wedlock and her parents divorced. She also fired her father after Live Nation alleged that he was stealing money from her and he responded by filing a lawsuit. That behind the scenes drama is enough to break the average person but Beyonce’s still standing.
Just in time for her new HBO Documentary which will air on February 16th, her new Vogue cover story has hit shelves and inside, she’s giving a bit more of herself as she talks about the day she gave birth to Blue Ivy. She also admits to reading stories about herself online while avoiding the comment section, reveals that she wants to take time off to enjoy life’s moments with her baby, and expresses that she now understands why her father conducted business in the notorious manner that he did.
Check out a few things we learned about Beyonce below:
Beyonce felt as though she was coaching Blue Ivy into the world during birth
. . . . But it happened during my labor because I had a very strong connection with my child. I felt like when I was having contractions, I envisioned my child pushing through a very heavy door. And I imagined this tiny infant doing all the work, so I couldn’t think about my own pain. . . . We were talking. I know it sounds crazy, but I felt a communication.
Giving birth was the best moment of her life
My family and my closest people were there when I gave birth. Everything that scared me just was not present in that room. So for me to really let go and really appreciate every contraction . . . it was the best day of my life.
I feel like I have something that has grounded me so much more. Family has always been important. I’ve always had my mother and my father and my husband. But it’s just… Life is so much more than. . . It’s not defined by any of this.
Giving birth gave her a greater appreciation for her body
Right now, after giving birth, I really understand the power of my body. I just feel my body means something completely different. I feel a lot more confident about it. Even being heavier, thinner, whatever. I feel a lot more like a woman. More feminine, more sensual. And no shame.
She wants more children
When I was younger, there were moments where I said, ‘I’m not going to have children’ and then moments when I wanted four. And now I definitely want another, but I don’t know when.
She will take another break to enjoy her moments with her daughter
At some point it’s very important to me that my daughter is able to experience life and run through the sprinklers and have slumber parties and trust and live and do all the things that any child should be able to do.
She was torn apart after she fired her father
[She says in her documentary:] My soul has been tarnished. My father taught me so much about being a businesswoman. And I’m understanding him a lot now. . . . A lot of the crazy things he did were necessary.
Making the HBO Documentary was therapeutic for her
This movie has healed me in so many ways,” she says. “It makes me want to cry. “I’m sorry,” she says, her eyes welling. “I’m very passionate about it, and it just feels good.”
Jay-z is one of her biggest motivators
Here she credits her husband, another entrepreneurial superstar who has proved to be disciplined at navigating celebrity. “Just knowing someone’s always going to be honest and tell the truth,” she says of Jay-Z, “[who] can understand exactly what I’m going through—and I can understand exactly what he’s going through.”
Beyonce reads stories about herself online but she skips the comments:
When she encounters a story about herself on the Internet, she reads only the story. She stops there. She doesn’t let herself scroll down into the comments sections, which have a tendency to become cruel, ad hominem free-for-alls. “Don’t scroll down!” Beyoncé advises, laughing. “You’re definitely going to get your feelings hurt.”
Beyonce doesn’t feel as though she needs to please anyone, anymore:
I don’t feel like I have to please anyone. I feel free. I feel like I’m an adult. I’m grown. I can do what I want. I can say what I want. I can retire if I want. That’s why I’ve worked hard.