Over the weekend, Iyanla Vanzant sat down with reality star Evelyn Lozada for a two-part interview for Iyanla’s “Fix My Life” show on OWN. With part one taped four weeks before the headbutting incident and the second part shortly after she filed for divorce, viewers saw exactly how the relationship broke down. And often, Evelyn revealed it was pretty much a train wreck to begin with.
Iyanla walked Evelyn through her relationship pathology and helped her see how she has never dealt with being abandoned at age 10 by her father. And because she hasn’t healed, it greatly impacts her dealings with men. Here are the highlights:
On her temper:
“Caught up in the moment; going from 0 to 10. I always say I don’t have a medium. When that trigger goes off, it’s here. That’s how every women in my family dealt w/ conflict. That’s how my life was. My life; it’s always been chaos.”
On how her marriage ended with her getting stitches in her head:
“Not paying attention, just living life a mile a minute, working, making sure everything looks good. I would say the main thing is ignoring the million and one signs. He showed me so many times, until the day of. I feel like that’s why I’m here.”
On giving Chad permission to cheat:
“My conversation with him was that when you ever get into a place, I’d rather know. I’d rather you’d be honest w/ me. I think he just lives life in Chad’s world and doesn’t think about anything else. I’m like three weeks in, you’re not even trying. He’s really the one that wanted to get married.”
On if she ever go physical with Chad:
“Never raised a finger. That is the truth. I think that’s what hurts me the most. That people associate me on “Basketball Wives” and say that it justifies his actions. If I spoke to him about a woman, or something I seen, he would get upset. Take my phone throw it, up in my face. I don’t get that. I knew to just leave the argument alone.”
On how she felt right after the domestic violence incident:
“I was a little in shock that it went that far. All I kept telling him is ‘Your daughter’s in the house’, I don’t want her to know we’re fighting. There was blood all over my face. I said to myself, ‘This is something that I will not deal with’.”
On why she left Chad:
While pointing to her forehead, she said, “This was the deal breaker. For me it was I had visible wounds.”
Evelyn speaking to her stepdaughters about her behavior:
“Listening to you guys talk about me and my actions, and the things that I’ve done on TV, and the things that I’m not really proud of…I’m here to tell you guys I’m sorry for being a bad example.”
Evelyn thanked Iyanla for doing the interviews via Twitter, “Thank you @IyanlaVanzant for helping me to explore my issues. I’m grateful for your willingness to understand and help me grow.”
And Iyanla, who revealed that she has remained in contact with Evelyn since the taping, says she believes Evelyn has changed,
“She has changed. Otherwise she would have stayed with him. We’ve allowed the industry to glorify dysfunction. Before we get angry and turn our nose at our sisters we have to see what they need and what they are crying out for. After getting a glimpse of Evelyn on ‘Basketball Wives’ it surprised me that she was so vulnerable. Reality television has too much power.”
