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You’ve got questions? He’s got answers!

Email your questions to Your Gay Best Friend at:

Dear Gay Best Friend,

I absolutely loved the responses I read today that you gave to a couple of women! I decided to write you myself to get a straight up response.

I was seeing this man for about a year. He defined the relationship as “lovers”. Sometimes, we talked about his feelings for me, and him being afraid of what he felt for me. I was not afraid that I liked him. Well, two months after that year of seeing each other and about nine months of us being intimate, he told me his feelings for me were too intense and he had to stop seeing me. A couple of weeks after that, he told me he made a mistake and wanted to “patch” things up with me.

We started talking again for about three weeks and he stopped talking to me again without explanation. Eventually he gave me another reason after I repeatedly asked him what happened. Since then, he has sent me a couple of messages saying that he still has feelings for me. Now he has started contacting me again with the main conversation being about sex. We have discussed still liking each other, how we wished things had turned out differently, and missing each other. We haven’t actually seen each other.

Today I really want to see him, I am sure you “catch” this. It’s been about six months. I contacted him today and he said he would help me out and contact me later today. I am sitting here thinking this is a major mistake and I should not see him. Do I love him, no.  I like him, had a good time with him, and miss him. Still, I am thinking it is probably a mistake to see him. Tell me what you think – Where Is This Going?

Dear Where Is This Going?

I am going to act like I didn’t receive this letter and that you just didn’t ask me this foolery question of what is going on.

Ain’t nothing going on! Nothing. Nada. Zilch.

You, my dear, are a jump-off. You are his side-piece. You, sweetie, is nothing more than some ass. Yes, that is what I think. Well, no, that is what I know.

The first line in your letter is, ‘He defined the relationship as “lovers.”’ So, what part of that statement are you not clear about? What are you unsure of?  He told you what you two were, plain and simple, just lovers. If you allowed your relationship to be defined as “lovers” and you went along with the program, why are you expecting a different outcome? Is it because you two starting discussing his feelings and where the sexual relationship was going? You, my dear, got caught up. You were the one who let your feelings get involved and tried to change the dynamics of the sexual relationship. When he noticed your frequent inquires and need for a relationship status updates, he dipped, and stopped communication with you. When he wanted to hit it again, he sent you messages, and you let him come back. Still not clear, sweetie?

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And, all this, ‘his feelings were too intense for me and he had to stop seeing me.’ Really, Ms. Thing? Really! His feelings were so intense that he had to end the relationship, yet a few weeks later he hit you up to “patch” things up and then after he hit it he went ghost, again? Still not clear, sweetie?

I see a recurring and repeating pattern in your relationship. Each time you two get together and discuss the status of your relationship, it’s often while you’re engaging in sex. Then after he gets what he wants, he disappears. Hmmm, let me think. Still not clear, sweetie? I am.

Every time he reaches out to you, guess what, it’s about SEX. Don’t be naïve. Don’t play coy. And, don’t play with mine, or your own intelligence. You are smart. You’re intelligent. How do I know this, because the last paragraph of your letter you wrote, ‘Today I really want to see him, I am sure you “catch” this. It’s been about six months.’

Look, Ms. Where Is This Going, call it what it is, and accept the fact that like him, you enjoy the sex. You enjoy how he lays it on you. It’s okay, sweetie. It’s okay to be a willing participant in a sexual relationship, and you know what it is. And, Ms. Honey, you don’t miss him, you miss the sex. You just don’t want to admit to your friends and those around you that he is not your boyfriend, but booty call. Hell, you may be in denial yourself about the terms, but not about the fact. So, accept what it is. Call it what it is. And, girl, enjoy it for what it is. Keep it safe, and wrapped! – Straight From Your Gay Best Friend

You can follow Terrance Dean on Twitter, HERE!

Make sure to get your copy of my new book,  Mogul: A Novel (Atria Books – June 2011; $15). It is available in bookstores everywhere, and on Amazon, click, HERE!



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“He Said That We Were Lovers And I’m Not Sure What That Means”  was originally published on