In a week in which you want to hide your kids from the nearest quarterback, guess which one got the worst publicity of all?
Tim Tebow, of course.
It turns out he’s a dope. Tebow scored a 22 on the Wonderlic test, which qualifies him as being as idiotic as Ben Roethlisberger and Derek Anderson.
They were accused of sexually assaulting a coed and verbally mugging an entire city, respectively. Yet Tebow’s test incident generated as much gleeful Internet scorn.
I call it Tebow Derangement Syndrome — TDS. And it’s getting worse with every NFL draft update.
In this burgeoning TMZ Sports era, you’d think we’d embrace a bona fide role model. Yet every Tebow hiccup, if they can be called that, is treated like a crushed fire hydrant in Isleworth.
Share It’s not hard to analyze TDS sufferers. Some hate Tebow for his success, which is normal fan behavior. But Tebow long ago struck a deeper chord of resentment.
A lot of it’s the God thing. He’s too pious. He’s too goody-goody. He’s too good to be true.
TDS sufferers dream of that Jimmy Swaggart moment, when Tebow tearfully admits he shared needles with Mark McGwire. If they can’t get that, they’ll settle for a 22 on the Wonderlic.
“Report: Tebow Below Average on Test” — ESPN.com.
“Tim Tebow Fails NFL Wonderlic Test” — The Times of India.
Yes, apparently TDS has spread to New Delhi. A wire story that went worldwide informed readers that Tebow’s score “was only 22 out of a possible 50 points, netting him the lowest Wonderlic Test score of all quarterbacks tested at the 2010 Combine.”
That led to a CBSSports.com message board headline, “Tim Tebow’s an Idiot!” Then readers tore into Tebow. If only half of them hadn’t spelled it “Wunderlich,” their criticism would have been easier to take seriously.
Fact is the average Wonderlic score is 24, a mark Notre Dame’s Jimmy Clausen (23) also failed to hit. That got almost as little attention as Tebow tying the all-time quarterback record for highest vertical jump.
A 38.5-inch leap doesn’t make Tebow the next Dan Marino. But it’s as good a predictor as the Wonderlic considering Marino scored a 15.
Tebow’s draft status has become a TDS obsession. He’s reconstructing his throwing motion and doing all he can to improve himself. For that he’s caught more grief than Mel Kiper Jr. used to get for his hair.
It reminds me of Super Bowl Week, where Tebow’s pro-life commercial got as much publicity as the actual game. Critics were crushed when it turned out to be a simple and sweet testimonial by Tebow’s mother, who never even mentioned the word “abortion.”
Of course, her son did pretend to tackle her at one point. Desperate for something to rip, the National Organization for Women claimed the ad “promoted violence against women.” It said nothing about Betty White being gang-tackled in a Snickers commercial.
Such are the symptoms of TDS. Imagine NOW’s reaction if Tebow had pulled a Roethlisberger this week. Or if he’d said Florida fans are “ruthless and don’t deserve a winner.”
That was Anderson’s parting shot at the Cleveland faithful. He apologized the next day. I just wish somebody could tell me what Tebow has to apologize for. Raising hundreds of thousands of dollars for charity while he was a college student? His missionary work? His virginity?
Oh, what the Steelers would give for a quarterback with those issues.
Whether you agree with his message or not, nobody can say Tebow hasn’t tried to be a positive influence. I’ll admit to a mild case of TDS brought on by overexposure. But if you got sick of Tebow, don’t blame Tebow.
There would have been 10 times as many stories if he’d wanted the media to tag along as he spoke in churches and prisons. So how could he have charged $160 for autographs at his first signing show last week?
He did it because fans force themselves on him like Roethlisberger allegedly forces himself on tipsy coeds. If somebody’s willing to pay a person $10,000 or $15,000 for an afternoon’s work, why should they turn it down?
If that disappoints you, you’ll be crushed to find out Tebow doesn’t plan on living in a monastery or giving away every penny he makes in the NFL. But I’ll bet he’ll donate a lot more than 99 percent of pro athletes.
I also bet he’ll never go to Perkins and take home more than a meal. The worst thing he’ll ever do in a bathroom is leave the toilet seat up. Whatever NFL team drafts him, he’ll never say its fans don’t deserve a winner.
He’ll just keep trying to be a role model. So why are so many people eager for him to fail?
They have Tebow on the brain, and now they’re reveling in his supposed lack of intelligence. We don’t need a Wonderlic to see who the real dopes are