One of the most difficult conversations to have with our partners are sex-related. As a community we are over sexed and under satisfied meaning that we indulge in sex without really ever coming out on an equal playing field. I believe that if more communication and dialogue between the sexes occurred then we would be better equipped to please each other on all levels, not just sexually. Here is a list of 5 common mistakes men make sexually that turn women off:

1. Talking Up Your sex game, before the first quarter: Best believe this is the cause for many cringed faces, side eyes and missed calls. Yes, today’s woman is more sexually adept and aware than previous generations but like men, we revel in mystery. Don’t let the cat out the hat too soon, because if a man ends up having more bark than bite, it will result in many lonely nights.
2. Are we there yet: This may be more of a personal pet peeve but the more I share it, I find that more and more women can relate. Don’t ask us repeatedly if we have had an orgasm. We love that you are but some of us take a lot longer than others to achieve an earth shattering orgasm. Since orgasms require mental stimulation for the best results, interrupting my sexy thoughts with incessant whining does not help, instead encourage the action you want to see, “I would love to see you cum”.
3. Penis Pictures: In a committed and consensual relationship I suppose anything goes, but in the initial dating stages a penis pic to a woman’s (not girl’s) phone/email is the cause for dismissal. In fact fellas regardless of how much of a masterpiece you think you have, it’s insulting and demeaning. Women are interested in getting to know the man; any interaction with his “wingman” will come in time.
4. Pain is pleasure: Yes this is a popular saying but not all “pain” translates to pleasure. Perhaps this comes with age, but on behalf of the sisterhood, trade in 60 minutes of jack hammer mayhem for a variation of strokes. Always ask your partner if they are comfortable, we perform our best when our muscles are relaxed and stimulated, not when we are holding on for dear life wanting to curl into fetal position.
5. Neglecting the magic of Foreplay: It’s natural to get comfortable sexually overtime in a relationship, but I guarantee you couples who are happiest in the bedroom know what works and improves on it time after time. If you remember driving your woman wild one night you were creative with the foreplay don’t just dust that off for special occasions, rely on your imagination. Remember the imagination you were told you had to supress when you were becoming a man, that one. Foreplay is that special touch that makes your stroke game unique, don’t neglect it.

The key to successful seduction and sexual satisfaction is being confident and knowledgeable about the partner you are with. Ask questions after every roll in the hay and at the same time be prepared to hear an answer that you may not agree with. With sex everyone is a teacher and student collectively.

What are your thoughts on this list? Are there things I’m leaving out? What is the hardest sex-related conversation you had to have with your partner?

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We all know someone with an addiction problem. If it is not a family member, it is a close friend. And we want to help them. We can see their alcohol and drug addiction as a problem that is ruining their life.

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The problem: Not all of us know how to help them. The most apparent solution is an alcohol or drug rehab, but this can be a challenge for many families and friends. This page provides 6 things that can be done to help the addict in our lives.

1. Avoid Enabling – This is imperative. You want to help your addict loved one without enabling them. Many times you think you are “helping” your loved one, when you are actually making it easier for them to continue an addictive lifestyle. There are many examples of enabling. A common example is the work phone call. This is when you call in on behalf of the addict and make an excuse for their inability to work. In this, you are enabling their behavior. It is possible to help that loved one without enabling them. Make it perfectly clear that you will not help them continue in the lifestyle they have made for themselves.
2. Open Honesty – This goes right along with enabling. A common issue seen in an addiction household is a denial that the problem exists. This of course creates an ideal environment for enabling and a greater addiction problem. If you see your loved ones addiction as a problem, you have to be honest about it. Let them know your feelings and concerns. Try to avoid contention. Contention will come as a defense strategy naturally to protect addictive behavior. Continue to be open, honest and loving. This can help the addict to know exactly where you stand on their behavior, and can actually benefit from this non- enabling element in the home.
3. Getting Assistance from Family and Friends – Let the addict know they are not alone in this struggle. Involve family and friends. These individuals should also provide an open honesty in a caring, non enabling way. An addict may not be able to come to these conclusions themselves. If all of those who immediately influence them (Friends, family, employers, coworkers) show their support and willingness to help, it can be considerably sobering to the struggling addict. It is essential to create an environment of love and motivation, and best to again avoid a contentious atmosphere.
4. Offering a Helping Hand – For the addict, recovery can be scary. It means giving up something that has an emotional and psychological control of them. If they are not alone, some of that fear can be reduced. Offer assistance in attendance to 12-step meetings, or visiting an addiction therapist. For those who need an alcohol or drug rehab program, be with them every step of the way and show your support for their decision to get help.
5. Intervention – A number of addicts and alcoholics will not overcome their addiction without help. And for most of these individuals, intervention is required to bring an end to this lifestyle. The use of a professional interventionist can make all the difference of this process. An intervention is a planned meeting to assist the addict in getting proper help. Proper intervention should be motivational, caring, and done out of love. An interventionist can make all the difference. Studies have shown a much larger percentage of success when a professional interventionist is used.

We can only beat addiction with honesty.

Make sure you are following @Elev8official for stories like this and more. For more from Oretha Winston follow her on twitter here.

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